My commiserations, fat man. What do you plan to do about it?
My friend told me about Insanity and I’ve seen all the success stories online. I’m gonna get so ripped this summer!
You might do. But it’s not the best course of action, my friend. You have minimal muscle mass, and you have a belly. Not a very alluring combo.Insanity might help you lose weight, but that weight will be both fat and muscle. You’ll still be very susceptible to fat gain unless you add some muscle to your frame (which raises your metabolism).
Yeah, but all those guys on the net do Insanity and they’re hench!
Nah, they’re not. Even if they are indeed ‘hench’, I can assure you they did not get that way doing P90x.
The guys with the most aesthetic physiques on the planet don’t do Insanity (aka glorified aerobics). They do real conditioning that simultaneously preserves/builds muscle, such as hill sprints.
That hill sprint stuff sounds kind of difficult, plus I don’t have a hill near my house. Can’t I just run on an inclined treadmill for an hour instead?
Sure, if you want to look like Mo Farah. Don’t run for an hour.. just sprint. Or you can hit a heavy bag or jump rope like you’re Floyd Mayweather.
Serious? Why is hitting a heavy bag or any of that stuff better though?
High intensity intervals are superior in just about every way.. You won’t burn off your muscle doing it (you might even build some), and you’ll even keep burning calories till the next day. Your hormones will be in better balance too.
You ready to do some work?
Not tonight, Eastenders is on.
OK sorry. How do I do this interval thingy?
Work hard for 6-30 seconds, rest, repeat. Simple as that.
Is this gonna help me lose this gut spilling out my t-shirt? I’m tired of looking like Fat Albert.
‘Course it will. Do these short conditioning sessions after your main workouts. Start slowly, and don’t go longer than 20 minutes.
Main workouts? You mean like a body circuit or something?
Nope. I mean a full-body lifting workout 3 times a week – squats, deadlifts, presses, rows, and lots of bodyweight exercises. Sound good?
So Monday should be chest day, Tuesday arms, Wednesday legs etc?
No. See above dummy :).
Oh right. So how many days a week and for how long should I train?
4 days a week is perfect, 3 is the absolute minimum if you want any appreciable results.
Each session should last 45 minutes to an hour. Hit it hard, hit it strong. You can do your high intensity cardio after these workouts on 2-3 days per week.
How many reps of each exercise should I do?
Aim for 5-8 (on most lifts) to begin with. You should be working hard during these sets.
Say you start with 60kg on bench press, and you can only do that weight for 5 reps. Next session, try to get more reps. Once you get to 8 reps, it’s time to up the weight by 2.5kg.
Can I use the Smith machine instead of a barbell?
Not if you have a functioning pair….
Cool bro. I play 5-a-side football on Wednesdays with my friends, how can I fit this in?
Easy, just substitute one of your gym days with this football session (or once you’ve been training for a while, you can add it as a 5th day if your recovery is on point). Sports are a brilliant way to get in shape and will complement your hard work in the gym.
You need to start walking more by the way. What’s your daily routine like usually on off days?
Go to work, go home, and watch TV/laptop, or go out for drinks/shisha.
You need to start moving more, and not just for your gym sessions. Walking for even 30 minutes is great for your body and mind, so make it a habit.
What should I eat for breakfast?
Personally, I advise you not to eat breakfast at all. Skip it and eat at midday instead.
What? Ain’t brekkie the most important meal of the day?
Not really.. fasting is much better for your health, and the fat will start dripping off you like butter. Don’t eat 4 hours before bed either.
I get cravings though man!
Not that I know of….
Then stop the binge eating and control yourself my friend.. drink water instead.
Should I stop eating carbs too?
To be honest, I don’t advise completely cutting out anything you enjoy eating, because it’s usually a recipe for disaster. Limiting carbs on your off days is a good idea for sure though.
The main culprits are potatoes, white bread, and rice.. limit your consumption on non-training days. On training days, feel free to go H.A.M though.. particularly after your workout.
I want a Cristiano Ronaldo physique, will all this stuff help me?
Definitely. Cristiano plays football (jumps and sprints), and lifts weights. You can get a very athletic-aesthetic physique if you train for performance, like an athlete.
The things you do repeatedly define what you become. If you want to look a certain way, you need to train in a way that gives you that look.
Let’s get going.
(Btw.. just about everything I say here is applicable to women too.)